Oh to be young and carefree...

It isn't very often that I miss my teenage years.

I mean, what's so great about youth? The pimples? The groundings? The sweaty, overstimulated boys with clunky cars and keen hands? No. Those years are over, and I'm not sorry.

Close-up of my skin, circa 1994

But there are a few happy memories, mostly sartorial in nature. Before I got into, y'know, whippings and black latex, I liked to clothe myself in those sweet-sixteen cottons with little flowers on 'em, delicate culottes and floaty blouses and whatnot. The kinds of clothes that beautiful breezy teenagers with impossibly long legs wear in Italian movies.

Adolescence, as imagined by Bernardo Bertolucci

Not that I ever actually rocked that look. It's amazing how knees that resemble shelled walnuts will ruin a summer frock. But the frocks looked good in my wardrobe at least, such that the sight of today's dress filled me with warm nostalgic memories of happy afternoons spent gazing into my closet.

What made this dress so evocative? Was it the cute early-90s florals? The sweet hint-o-cleavage neckline? The whimsical criss-cross pattern on the waist? Or did I actually own this dress as a teenager and have now bought it back?


Whatever prompted my nostalgia, you too can experience it by popping over to TradeMe and bidding on your own recaptured youth.

Or maybe you're truly a beautiful breezy teenager and are buying this to wear with no trace of irony or nostalgia. In which case: I hate you.

Either way, the link is: http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=258805604&ed=true
And my Twitter is: http://twitter.com/vintagemadam

The specifics are below for those who, unlike me, take time to check that something is actually a practical purchase before buying. (I buy in a trance-like state. Usually while chanting: "it's preeetty... so preeetty...")

Love and acne,
The Vintage Madam.

Size on label:	"1"
Modern size:	Best on a s8-10
Label:	Estafania - 100% Vintage since 1966
Condition:	Mostly great; 2 tiny, fixable holes at the waist
Fabric:	Labelled as "antique cotton"
Closure:	Side zip
Measurements:	(all taken with garment lying flat)
Armpit-to-armpit:	44cm (but it's stretchy so there's some give)
Waist:	34cm (ditto on the stretchiness)
Hips:	Free-size
Length:	104cm shoulder-to-hem (knee-length)
Features:	Ruched around torso; adjustable spaghetti straps

The Princess and the Feminist

My mum is a 1960s-vintage burn-your-bra feminist, and I love her for it. She's much of the reason I'm strong and independent today. But when you're 6 years old and your friends are all playing with dolls and wearing frilly dresses, sometimes a feminist mother can be rather embarrassing.

I never got to read girls' magazines, or play dress-ups; she wouldn't even let me pick lucky dips from the girls' bin because its contents might "reinforce gender stereotypes." The worst part was, in addition to being a feminist, she was also a student of sociobiology, and she had this Pavlovian trick of quoting liberally from "The Female Eunuch" every time I asked for a Barbie doll.

Acquiring today's dress was, therefore, an act of rebellion.



Mum would hate it. It is pink, and lacy, and fit for a princess. (I think I saw Lady Di in something similar once.) This is the kind of dress that mum's homemaker-in-waiting nemeses wore to their school balls while she attended neo-suffragette rallies. She would have thrown eggs at it. I, however, love it to pieces.

It was possibly homemade (there are no labels) and just gazing at it makes me imagine a sweet 16-year-old being awkwardly photographed by her parents on the way to some school dance. This is what I imagine nostalgia would feel like, if my mum had ever let me go to dances.

Anyway, if you want to piss off your feminist mother, or if you have a ball to go to, please head over to TradeMe and place your bids. If you really want to piss off your feminist mother, add this shameless fashionista on Twitter.
TradeMe: http://www.trademe.co.nz/Clothing/Womenswear/Vintage-retro/Size-10/auction-256585254.htm
Twitter: http://twitter.com/vintagemadam

Love and Barbies,
The Vintage Madam.

Size on label:	N/A
Modern size:	10-12
Label:	No label; possibly homemade
Condition:	Very good; button holes look slightly fragile
Fabric:	Satin and lace
Closure:	Back zip and buttons
Measurements:	(all taken with garment lying flat)
Armpit-to-armpit:	52cm
Waist:	39cm
Hips:	58cm
Length:	136cm (approx ankle-length)
Features:	Vertical front pleats, lace shoulders

The extra-special special-occasion dress.

I love imagining the lives my vintage pieces enjoyed before I found 'em. Often, when scrounging in a thrift store or at a garage sale, I'll think to myself: "Hello, 1920s fedora. Perhaps you sat atop a gangster's head as he slung shots over a dame with gams." Or: "Hello, pink polyester box suit. Somebody's drunk aunt threw up on you at a wedding."

The best stories, though, usually come with custom-made garments. I mention this because today's piece is a Pamela Armer, and I happen to know that she is a dressmaker who makes one-of-a-kinds. (I heard she's retiring now, how sad.)

Anyway, my mind went crazy with stories of the original owner when I saw the label on this dress. I could picture the young woman - elegant, slender - walking into the store, a hibiscus flower in her hair. She tells Pamela: "I need a special dress. You see, one balmy summer evening, a few weeks from now, I shall be singing sultry Nina Simone songs at sunset at an open air jazz festival on the beach. On my birthday. Then, my boyfriend is going to propose to me in front of the entire crowd, and I'll say yes. Then, we'll be picked up from the stage by a helicopter and flown to Switzerland, where I'll accept my Nobel Prize for Chemistry. Then I'm having dinner with my future in-laws. Then we might drop by the Oscars. So: have you got a suitable design?"

Or, y'know, maybe it was ordered by the staff of a rich socialite who never wore it.

Either way, it sure is purdy! It features autumnal shades in the softest silk/satin, exquisitely cut with all the floaty sex appeal of a Marilyn Monroe vent dress. (Seriously. This dress has a boob-enhancing halter PLUS gam-friendly cut. Stand on a vent in it and you'll get at least half-a-dozen marriage proposals from slack-jawed johns.)

I recommend you start bidding and/or clawing each other's eyes out to buy it. The TradeMe link is: http://bit.ly/5hBPgj

And Twitter, once again, is: http://twitter.com/vintagemadam

Love and drunken aunts,
The Vintage Madam.

Size on label:	None
Modern size:	Best on a size 8
Label:	Pamela Armer Private Wardrobe
Condition:	Perfect
Fabric:	Silk or satin. I can never tell the difference.
Closure:	Back zip, plus the halter ties at the neck
Measurements:	(all taken with garment lying flat)
Armpit-to-armpit:	45cm
Waist:	38cm
Hips:	Free-size
Length:	Approx 120cm (comes to mid-shin)
Features:	Autumnal colours, leaf pattern, halter neck.

A little royal purple

Well well, this was difficult... what to choose as the first ever Vintage Madam offering? I am a discerning madam you know, I can't pick just any dusty old scrap to offer my girls. Each item must be fit for a queen. Not the Elizabeth II type, mind, more like the hot queens played by Cate Blanchett in movies, or the feather-boa'd type on K Rd.

And therein lies the solution, for what is more royal than purple: the colour once so highly prized that the Phoenician monarchs had their clothes dyed in the mulberry mucus of sea snails?*

Oh dear, this is getting awfully educational... Whips! Handcuffs! Dita von Teese! There, that's better.

The point of all this is that today I present for your perusal a DIVINE, mint condition, royal purple gown. How divine is this gown? Well, I often find myself saying, while diving into the racks under the gaze of old biddies at thrift shops, "they don't make 'em like this anymore!" And this gown, dear madamettes, is the case that proves the point. From the delicate row of buttons at the wrist, to the subtle folds on the chest, to the intricate silver lacings of the buckle at the waist, this dress is all class. It's fully lined and even comes with a sleeveless overcoat to give it a different look and a bit of removable warmth.

This one's a gem-coloured gem, ladies. Details are below, photos and auction are over at TradeMe: http://www.trademe.co.nz/Clothing/Womenswear/Vintage-retro/Size-14/auction-253610542.htm

Also did you know you can add me on twitter? http://twitter.com/vintagemadam

That's it for now, I must sign off as it is evening-time and your loyal Madam has to go do seductive things with feathers.

Love,
The Vintage Madam.




*Today's garment contains no sea snail mucus. That I know of.

Size on label:	none given
Modern size:	best on a size 14 or slim-hipped 16
Label:	Camette
Condition:	Flawless :)
Fabric:	Not stated; chiffony in top / sleeves, heavier on main body
Closure:	Back zip
Measurements:	(all taken laying flat)
Armpit-to-armpit:	54cm
Waist:	45cm
Hips:	56cm
Length:	108cm shoulder to hem
Features:	Overcoat; fully lined; silver buckle at waist